Wednesday, January 12, 2022

CRUSH GALS vs. GOKUAKU DOMEI - The Matches! (Dump vs. Chigusa hair vs. hair)

Chigusa Nagayo vs. Dump Matsumoto (Hair vs. Hair 8/28/1985 - AJW)

This is probably the pentultimate match in the feud in addition to one of the most infamous wrestling matches of all time. Dump and the Crush Gals had been going back and forth through all of 1985 since Dump and Crane Yu defeated Chigusa and Lioness Asuka for the tag team titles, and the personal rivalry between Dump and Chigusa deepened to the point where it could only be settled in a match with very high stakes. We're going to have a hair vs. hair match.

If you're new to this concept, the idea goes back a long way in professional wrestling. You need matches with high stakes in order to "blow-off" your feuds. From a story telling perspective, it makes perfect sense. These fighters have gone past the point of no return. This feud is no longer about titles or championships. Things are personal. So you have your various gimmick matches that are traditionally used to end feuds such as steel cage matches, Last Man Standing Matches, etc. There are a ton of them, but there's something special about a hair match. The rules are simple. The loser has their head shaved. More than just a blow to their vanity, the bald head following a hair match is the ultimate badge of failure.

Hair matches in particular are a Lucha Libre thing, and often you see combinations of these matches ("Apuestas Matches") as the bloody, brutal climax of a long standing rivalry. You see hair vs hair, mask vs mark, mask vs. hair, hair vs. career, etc. In the old-school days, apuestas matches were a big fucking deal. This one is no exception. If you lose this match, you lose something tangible and critically important to your very identity. If you lose this match, your enemy has changed you against your will. Some luchadores who have won many apuestas matches keep trophy rooms with the lost masks of their opponent hanging on the wall. Some will even keep their foe's hair in a plastic bag for enternal bragging rights. "This is a part of you that I took away. An intimate piece of you is just another award for me. I own you."

Apuestas matches are awesome.

Dump Matsumoto enters first accompanied, as always, by her loyal soldiers in Gokuaku Domei. They have the swagger, the costumes, and the kick ass flags. Yet they are not talking shit or waving their weapons around as they normally would. This is serious. Their leader's hair, intricately colored and punked-out as always, is on the line. Dump doesn't look like the shitty, cocky bully she normally portrays. She's deadly serious and silent. Somehow that's more frightening. The Crush Gals enter next, and the fans erupt at the first notes of their theme music. There's no question who the heroes are of this tale. Chigusa, stone faced in her samurai gear, rides to the ring on the strong shoulders of her partner Lioness Asuka. She has no army. But she has a friend. Perhaps that will be the difference maker.

Japanese fans typically throw streamers when they are excited, and they are very excited indeed for the start of this match. It takes several minutes for the ring girls and Dump's crew to clear the enormous tangle of colorful paper out of the ring. The streamers are red and white; the colors of Chigusa Nagayo.

Dump, being Dump, wastes no time pulling off the dirty tricks. She pulls a fast one on Chigusa right away by using a DECOY DUMP and blindsiding our young pop star. Then a member of Gokuaku Domei hands Dump a chain, and the mauling begins. Brave Chigusa gets tossed all over the ring and strangled with a chain. She fights back valiantly with kicks, but something is wrong. The referee is telling her that her kicks aren't legal. But fuckin' Dump Matusmoto is allowed to use a chain as a weapon? The ref is dirty! Dump got to him somehow! Chigusa isn't even being allowed to fight back.

Out of desperation, Chigusa takes the fight outside the ring and decides that what's good for Dump is good for her as well. She's fighting for her life in there. Squeaky clean and cute little Chigusa grabs a metal can and starts battering Dump's skull. She even grabs the scissors intended for the post-match haircut and stabs Dump in the head. Of course, the ref has to put a stop to that immediately. Then Dump gets the scissors and goes to work. Dump has abandoned the idea that this is a legitmate sporting contest. It is now a massacre. Chigusa is bleeding all over the ring and flailing helplessly. She cannot continue. The crooked ref calls for the bell and ends the match.

Dump Wins.

This is where it gets good.

Dump struts and puts on the smuggest face you've ever seen. You'd think she'd just hit a game winning home run in the world series rather than brutally beat up a woman half her size with the help of four other people and a crooked ref. Chigusa is furious. The fans are furious. A venue full of teenaged girls come unglued. There are tears. Lioness Asuka attempts to save her best friend's dignity by throwing herself at the bad guys, then by trying to cover Chigusa with her own body. The ring girls, all wrestling students who normally just clean up streamers and provide security, are offended by all this treachery and try to brawl their way to Chigusa to save her. To no avail. Dump and her gang drag a bloody and broken Chigusa to a chair in the center of the ring and CUT HER HAIR. Chigusa gets free and covers her head in shame. The hero has been beaten and humiliated. Dump Matsumoto stands victorious and bathes in the tears of of thousands of school girls. There is no justice in this world.

Or is there?

Next time: REVENGE.

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