My coffee maker and my Tubi account are the only things that never let me down...
BABY OOPSIE (2021) - I take it as a sign of great personal growth that I'm only slightly disappointed in myself for living my adult life nuts-deep in the lore of the Demonic Toys cinematic universe. I've been to cons. I've seen what other people who watch this many Full Moon movies are like. I have smelled the marijuana miasma and I have drunk deeply from the damp chalice of warm Rolling Rock on a weeknight. With age has come a more complete acceptance of self. BABY OOPSIE, like myself, has some good elements and some bad elements. On the good side, the performances are pretty great for a film of its kind. It has a sort of John Waters "down among the homely and strange in the rust belt" sort of thing going, and I found those parts to be pretty compelling. I relate to a good storyline about small-town outcasts struggling against the urge to commit terrible crimes.
On the less-good side, I found the character of Baby Oopsie itself to be excruciating to spend time with. I totally understand Full Moon's ceaseless need to appeal to the comedic sensibilities of the most soft-skulled juggalos in the upper midwest. Despite that, we had a good thing going here until the piss jokes and falsetto screeching. If I were to encounter Baby Oopsie, I would simply feed its annoying ass down the garbage disposal the moment it started babbling rather than allow it to murder people who were mean to me. You can't corrupt me, Baby Oopsie. I have no tolerance for your bullshit.
THE BOXER'S OMEN (1983) - Every now and then I encounter something that justifies the countless hours I've spent tuned into the weird world of cult movies. This is one of those movies. It is surreal, trashy, thrilling, and utterly badass. Basically, a martial artist goes to Thailand to avenge his crippled brother and gets caught up in a surreal underworld of organized crime, black magic, Buddhist exorcism, wizard duels, bat puppets, spider puppets, melted faces, and a shit ton of gloriously garish colors. And that's just in the first 25 minutes! This movie fucking rules SO HARD. It could sincerely be my new favorite movie of all time, and I must now seek out every single Shaw Brothers/Hong Kong action/horror film of the 1980s. This is a delight, and my life is forever changed. And it's up on youtube with subtitles! Thank you, Raptor Jesus!
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