Ah, to be a hungry creator forging ridiculous pieces of low-tier trash with a gang of attractive friends rather than a mere corporate lackey with bills to pay. I'm not outright saying that I'd trade the dad life for another shot at donning plastic goggles and running around the woods in the name of art...but there's a certain appeal.
HALFWAY HOUSE (2004) - An agreeable bit of sleazy fun. The story is on the cover: Naked girls are fed to a puppet monster by an evil nun. There are also jokes. I thought that a couple of the jokes were actually funny, which was a nice surprise. It was amusing to see so many exotic dancers in their mid 30's hanging around at a facility for "troubled girls." I also know for a fact that the process for being enrolled in a halfway house is slightly more involved than simply showing up at the front door with your police detective friend and saying "Here I am. Please enroll me in your halfway house for troubled girls." What I am trying to say is that this movie about naked girls being whipped by a priest and then fed to a puppet monster is prehaps not a credible source of information about the criminal justice system. There are a whole lot of movies like this, and most of them are far worse than HALFWAY HOUSE. Don't think too hard about who built that basement monster temple and it'll be fine. It was also nice to see Mary Woronov again.
SONG OF THE VAMPIRE aka VAMPIRE RESURRECTION (2001) - A sweet, somewhat embarassing little time capsule. People forget that there was a thriving Buffy/Anne Rice fueled vampire romance/roleplay trend going years before TWILIGHT showed up and killed the scene. This movie felt very much like something a group of passionate theatre goths would make over summer break. I was a bit of a theatre goth myself in 2001, and I can smell the "vampire blood" incense in your skull-shaped burner from a mile away, neonate. There were more people like us hanging around cemeteries, shopping malls, and RP message boards in 2001 than you'd think. Of note is that this movie was directed by a woman who also stars in the lead role. That's a refreshing and interesting change of pace for this kind of thing. Rather than a total sleaze fest; this is more of a cute, quaint, kinda bloody romance tale about the usual forbidden immortal love affair. I found it entertaining in a deeply cringy and melodramatic kind of way. It made me smile and roused a powerful sense of nostalgia. This shit took me straight back to to driver's seat of my Oldsmobile with the Lost Boys sticker on the back; listening to some Tapping The Vein on my way to the Book Barn to hunt for Poppy Z Brite paperbacks. Ten bucks says that the director played a Toreador with all their points in charisma back in the day.
SUDDENLY IN DARK NIGHT aka SUDDENLY IN THE DARK (1981) - This had its moments, but was a bit slow for my tastes. The conclusion was worth the wait, but only just. It's one of those "is the protagonist crazy or is she being menaced by supernatural forces" sort of flicks. There was some great imagery and the story is fine, but it's not the sort of thing you want if you're looking for cheap thrills or schlocky laughs. Think Polanski or De Palma but with Korean family drama instead of American urban anxiety. Basically, a housewife becomes convinced that her husband is cheating on her with their younger maid. There's also some juicy subtext about sexual repression and marital expectations and an evil doll that may or may not be alive. It's being billed as a cult classic, and I can see why. There are some giallo-esque visual flourishes, but I found the constant use of the same kalediscope camera effect to be a bit annoying. Everything unfolds just about like you'd expect, especially if you've seen this kind of thing before. I liked it well enough, but it doesn't really fit into my usual diet of all-out batshit excess. Hell of a poster, though, right?
QUARTZ VEIN [2021] - This was awesome. My interest was less "this movie is compelling" and more "what will these lovable scamps try to do next?" I appreciate the balls it takes to film your post-apocalyptic adventure movie in your apartment building and a public park on the weekends. I guess if you have access to goggles, fingerless gloves, pipe and drape, discout halloween decorations, some stock footage, and some girls who don't mind running around in tiny outfits; then just about anything is possible. I am also a big fan of how our protagonist resembles the lead singer of a random pop punk band circa 2006. I guess I just like seeing a kid with fosted tips and a studded belt saying shit lke "throw in a couple of homegrown 3D fishsticks, zoomer" or "fencing is a sport for wealthy breastfed men" in a random dubbed Bale Batman growl. This world's post apocalyptic event seems to have involved radiation, a plague, vampires, and /or black magic; but it just made society into a community college house party. Characters have names like "Eon Pax," "Gargoya," and "Lippy McGee." I loved every moment of this, and I found it strangely inspirational. Shine on, QUARTZ VEIN! Bookmarking this for my next "bad" movie get together. It's a riot.
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